At my worst, I’m searching for a way out—picking apart my relationship for its flaws and the reasons it won’t work in order to prevent inevitability. I’ve tried to loosen the grip this fear has on me, but I know I need someone who understands that a relationship with me will be work. Search your heart, talk to family, and seek the wisdom of friends whose opinions you respect and trust.
You see, we had been fighting—as couples do—and I didn’t want to tell her the truth. So long ago, I made the choice to keep my feet firmly planted on dry land. But my family dynamic makes it difficult for me to commit. It’s not because I’m trying to be difficult, I’m just afraid. You chose to begin a relationship with this person for a reason. What is it about the man you’re in love with or beginning to fall for? A year is ample time for someone to “know.” If he claims to have no idea, you at least should.
As the light, casual conversations start to move into deeper, heavier topics, all of a sudden you’re discussing joint holidays and meeting each other’s parents. People who have commitment issues generally have a serious problem in staying in a relationship for the long-term.
Just as the excitement grows, your date starts to pull away, becomes distant and unavailable and next thing you know, they’ve done a Phantom and you’re out in the cold. While they still experience love like anyone else, the feelings can be more intense and scary than they are for most people.
When the two worlds collide, the dating can be rocky, with both parties feeling dissatisfied.
Is your partner someone who gives you mixed signals when it comes to commitment?
Maybe you feel it’s time to become exclusive, or maybe you’ve been together for awhile and you're ready to move your relationship to the next level. your partner doesn’t seem to be jumping at the opportunity to be your "one and only".
" But, sadly, a few months later, your conversation changed to, "I can't believe he turned out to be so emotionally unavailable, and commitment-phobic." There are people who chronically meet and date individuals who, at first, seem so perfect for a warm, loving relationship. it's so easy to become intoxicated during that early infatuation stage when you meet someone who fits your pictures and seems like the perfect match. Our deep love for them can put us in denial of the fact that they are unavailable for an intimate, close relationship with us.
But when those same "in love" people take off their rose colored glasses, they realize the person they thought was Mr. ("He's so good-looking," or "What a gorgeous woman! If a person is serious about finding an emotionally available person for a committed partnership, there are whole categories of people who should be avoided: people living in another state, those who are still married or in love with someone else, and people with addictions - be it workaholics or drug addicts.
My period of relationship ‘false starts’ taught me a lot about commitment and about my own choice in men.