You seem to equate godliness and propriety in dating with a pretty narrow idea of how relationships can start.
I have always taken the story of Ruth and Boaz to be an example of a woman initiating and pursuing a relationship with a godly man, and I have found it to be very freeing as a woman seeking a husband in the Christian dating world.
Churches try to address this problem through special retreats and sermons aimed at singles.
You might hear your pastor or small group leader advise single women to “Be like Ruth and wait for your Boaz to ask you out! ” I would submit to you that where singles are discontent in churches, one possible remedy is egalitarianism.
He was nice to her, and it turns out that there's a law that if a man died, his relative should marry the widow and take care of her.
So, Boaz happened to be a relative of her first husband.
I receive many emails and I am frequently asked these three questions: How did you know Carl was the one? So my compass for being in a healthy relationship was way off and I was actually not attracted to anything that was healthy.
So I wanted to share some of my own personal experience along with a great Biblical based article I found about how to find your Boaz. I grew up with dysfunctional relationships all around me and never saw what a healthy one looked like.
I don’t want him to think it’s ever ok to put his hands on a woman, or curse at her, or put her down, even if she attacks him first.
Whatever you believe about the Biblical roles of men and women in society, if you’ve spent much time in a church singles group, you might agree with me that they’re typically not hot spots of healthy dating activity.
Some common complaints I’ve heard in my own years in singles groups are that the men never ask the women out, the women are too eager to be asked out, single-sex friendships are tenuous where two friends have the same crush, opposite-sex friendships are tenuous where one friend has a crush on another, and couples who do happen to meet in the group pull a fast vanishing act once they’re married.
In fairness, single women hear a lot about Ruth because there aren’t hundreds of stories about prominent single women in the Bible, particularly not stories about single women getting married.
Of course, there’s also Esther, who used her polygamous marriage to a brutal king as a political tool to save lives, which is a rather complicated tale!
I needed a new perspective on how I looked at relationships. I heard everything from: “all men cheat, no one’s perfect, I see his potential, no one can define love because everyone’s definition is different, people change, he’s my soulmate”, I heard it all and I’ve said many of them myself.